I’m a VIP…


I am. I’m a …

A Very Impatient Person.

I hate waiting. I remember when I had to wait at the dip for the cattle to arrive, I had to be doing something. Some hobby: reading or painting or leather-work. (Now I read books on my phone. I keep Silk Threads there too, read my favourite parts…)
Very close to the dip, on a dolorite rock bar, lived a family of mongooses. I would go there and sit, absolutely still until they popped out of their holes. The squirrels were always braver. Rodents with bushy tails maybe, but I love to watch them. I love the little flick of their tails while their poppy black eyes watch you. They have lovely slim fingers and cute whiskers.
Have you noticed mongooses have this sort of syncronised thing going. They move their heads to one side at the same time.

I always hoped when I got older, I would become a VPP. I haven’t.

Years ago now, one of my sister’s employees asked if he could come and live at our house in Suburbs. He didn’t have a home in the western townships and anyway, he said, he couldn’t afford it on his salary.
Of course I told him to bugger off. Imagine? I knew the way his mind ran – we’ve got a huge house, big yard. We are hardly ever there. Why not share a little???
He persisted and annoyed I asked him what he was going to do for me.

He said he would be an added security guard.


He would keep the place tidy, he said.

Are you saying its not tidy?

Mow the lawn, madam.


Although Cush doesn’t mind mowing the lawn, its not same as HAVING to mow it.

So I said, OK, I’ll make you a deal here. You mow the lawn, and stand in the queues at ZESA ZINWA, ZIMRA Mines Office etc etc, and you can stay at my house for free…
You know what? It’s the best deal I have made in a long, long time. I have never stood in a queue, I don’t even know where the payment desks are at the various utilities, I just hand him the money at the end of the month and walk away.
He went to Harare to get me my new driver license when mine was stolen. He got birth certificates for family members outside the country, takes the car for that stupid police clearance thingie when I need to travel out the country…during the ‘inflation’ he went to Bots for me to buy my shopping.

Why? Cos I am a VIP.


Pio – our friendly resident of Zvimba, expert queue hopper, all round nice guy

Please read my book, Silk Threads – you can download it here:


One response »

  1. Pingback: Bulawayo… | Frankie Kay

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