Cricket season


My elder sister is one of those amazing females who always manages to look good.

She always has her nails done, and she wears these fancy little bracelet chains, stacks of them and everything always matches: her shoes with her hand bag, her skirt with her hairband thingy. She always wears make up. I swear you never see her a mess…And she is organsied, never rushing anywhere, and to boot, she doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable when its obvious you combed your hair with your fingers in the morning…..
She uses the F word rather alot, but then not everyone is perfect. She has a very pretty face and I am sure Henry Moore took inspiration for his sculptures of reclining figures from women like her…As kids we often consoled her when she couldn’t fit through the fence or knocked the high jump bar, “You got over it Shan – it was your bum which didn’t…”
She never found us very funny. Luckily her husband digs her ah shapeliness…and the guy is huge, real huge…of course we are all old and mature – we don’t make such juvenile comments anymore.
Her hero in Silk Threads??? “Oh,” she cooed looking up at the ceiling, with her hands crossed over her boobs, “David Brewster of course. He is just like my husband.”
He has a ginger beard and they have two huge sons…
I went to visit them recently…
We all sit in the lounge, she is talking to me about something or other and out of the corner of my eye, I see a synchronous roll of eyes, as if something her men have practiced. She continues talking, but stands up, rolling up a newspaper and stalks about the room, occasionally stopping, her head to one side as if listening. Puzzled, I look at the three guys. Hubby is smiling into that beard of his, so is biggest son. (He also has a ginger beard.) Little big guy, just has a sort of smirk on his face and he is shaking his head ever so slowly from side to side.
Whack. “Phucking crickets,” she says apparently satisfied, “drive me nuts,” and without pause, sits down and continues her story.
Notoriously evasive, she didn’t get the cricket that first time.
I’m inured to the sound of crickets, but even I heard it when it started up again, especially when I saw the eye roll and the half hidden beard grins.
Mirroring my sister’s presentation is her lounge. No mess, no half finished leather-work lying around, or motorbike engine in bits…The chairs match the couch, the centre table has identical little side jobs with doilies on them and coasters for putting mugs on. Along one wall is a fish tank on a stand, with a load of fishies slowly swirling around gulping. Sparkling clean…
At one point, most of her disappeared behind the couch, only the Mooresque ah beauty stuck out over the top.
“Crucking fricket,” whack, whack. “Ill get you, you little”… ah…”blighter,” whack whack…
I saw the little guy scoot out from behind the couch, leopard crawl along the wall. But so did she. After it on hands and knees I saw her heading towards the fish tank and even someone with my impaired numerical acuity could easily calculate that fat arse was not going to fit through the fish tank stand without alot of gulping guppies ending up all over the floor. Luckily crickets can jump as well as chirrup…and three huge guys can move real fast…


So sue me. It was there, I swear it, but if she couldn’t get it with a newspaper, no ways was I going to catch it with a camera lens…


I found a pic of my lounge…P1010103

Please buy my book, Silk Threads. You can find the linkĀ here:


8 responses »

  1. Speaking as an elder sister, one could either take severe offense to the above, or, alternatively, one could see the funny side and noting the very complimentary comments thrown into the mix – I would choose the latter!!! Endearing as sisters can be the brutal truth is sometimes brutal, however, in view of the above, I can honestly say that it is impossible for me to take any offense to that brutal truth – now, that is! I cannot speak for an elder sister 20 years ago! In most cases, the funniest moments are captured when one’s actions are perceived as something totally different by others – particulalry fearless members of the Family!!!!!

    • Well, that’s why I put the complementary stuff first, then ducked and ran…also of course, only a preview of forthcoming attractions! Remember I do write fiction….!!!
      Thanks for finally joining my blog though, hope you will make more comments..even post some stuff here.

  2. Elder sis with a sense of humour – who could ask for more! Love your lounge photo, I’m not the only one. My dear husband once said “A house is just a box for living in”, though even he sometimes takes a long look and sighs … Thanks for a good laugh!

    • What I like is mine does the long sigh thing and while I’m standing looking about hopelessly wondering what on earth I’m doing to do about it, he starts picking things up and getting them in order. I dunno what it is about mess – it arrives so effortlessly and yet is impossible to get rid of

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